Ending an Intimate Relationship
When a relationship ends, we often experience a variety of feelings.
- We sometimes feel 'stunned' or 'shocked' because we did not anticipate that the relationship would end in the way that it did.
- We are often in denial.
- We experience a great deal of anger towards our partner and also towards ourselves.
- We often blame ourselves for the relationship break up.
- We often bargain with our partner not to go by saying "I will change if you stay". This strategy only works temporarily. Your partner may stay in the relationship for a little while longer because they feel guilty, or because they care about you, and deep down they do not want to hurt you. Eventually, the relationship becomes even less fulfilling than before. It ends.
It is important to remember that regardless of how much we compromise in relationships, some relationships will ultimately end because people's needs change over time. Some relationships are time limited. They are useful in shaping us into stronger, more resilient people. They teach us how to experience love, joy and, sometimes, sadness, intense pain and grief. These feelings are normal, and they are necessary in the process of growing and healing, so that we can eventually move on and engage in other more fulfilling relationships. Look after yourself and your emotional needs. Be patient. Another relationship will come your way when you have allowed your feelings to heal and have processed the lessons from the previous relationship.
If you would like to talk to a professional counsellor about your feelings, contact the Counselling Service. Speaking to a counsellor can give you much needed support in the early days after a breakup, and a more clear perspective on your personal situation.